Another Note Found

I was digging in the closet today, trying to find my "Royal Rummy" board for my family's New Year's Get-Together tonight, when I found this note scribbled on the back of an envelope. It's a quite humorous reminder of our love, and a reminder of the subtle memories that Alison loved to keep.

Clicking on it will make it big enough to read...

Pt 5

Pt 4

Click on the image for the ability to read it...

Pt 3

Pt 2

Discovering New Pages Of Notes (Part 1)

Set Sail

I am standing upon the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white
sails to the morning breeze and starts
for the blue ocean.

She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until at length
she hangs like a speck of white cloud
just where the sea and sky come
to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says;
"There, she is gone!"
"Gone where?"
Gone from my sight. That is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull
and spar as she was when she left my side
and she is just as able to bear her
load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone
at my side says, "There, she is gone!"
There are other eyes watching her coming,
and other voices ready to take up the glad shout;
"Here she comes!"

And that is dying.

-Henry VanDyke


Alison Frances Kline left port this evening at 1900 EST. She will be missed, but all hearts know that the one who she sails to will take far better care than I ever could.
I love you, Alison.

Progression

The MRI revealed new tumorage around her spine and inside of her spinal chord. Since I mentioned she was losing her balance, she's lost the feeling and motor-control of both of her legs. The new tumor is the cause.

The big question last night was "Is it the same spot she was radiated before?", because if it was, there would have been no second round of radiation on the same spot. I'll have to Google why they can't do it twice. They even tattoo her to indicate the boundaries of her radiated area.

Fortunately we get to radiate lower down her spine (never thought I'd say that).

So tomorrow we'll go over there and map her out and perhaps get the initial round of radiation over with.

As far as her head, it's on hold, because the back is more dangerous at this point.

Complicated, huh?

In other news, she's no longer Neutropenic, so we've imported the very nice flowers from Addi and Jamie respectively. Her sister and friend Liz came today and decorated the room with paper flowers, helium balloons, and beach-themed paraphernalia. The room looks very nice.

Last night she blew her nose and blew out a clot of blood. Her nose bled steadily until 6 PM today, when I carried her to the restroom and she sat completely up for about 15 minutes. Tonight they gave her a bag of platelets to make sure the nose doesn't continue to bleed.

Her catheter stopped working tonight. I went to the bookstore for a few hours, and there was nothing in the bag when I returned. Alison's Dad pointed it out to me and I got the nurse who promptly flushed it. The tube had clotted. (there's been blood mixed in since the stent but worse now)

No Radiation Today

The doctor called this morning to say that in lieu of radiation, Alison would be doing an MRI and talking with the neuro-surgeon. She had a rough morning with nausea and vomiting, plus loss of balance when we were changing her gown. Then they tried to put her on the MRI table without atavan or super-morphine. Yeah, didn't happen!

It was unfortunate because her sister was waiting in the lobby for her to return from her room, but it took an hour longer than expected, so she had to leave the Chick'n'Noodle soup with the nurse.

Now Ali is sleeping, and I am waiting to talk to the surgeon. I really don't know more than I am writing now, but hope to find out more soon.

The notes sent have been very good for Alison. I read them to her. Her flowers are nice, but she's Neutropenic, so she can't have them in her room. Mostly the family has been enjoying them at home. Alison enjoys this one though!

I'll let you know what the doctors say...

News

Alison wasn't able to complete radiation therapy today. We under-medicated her, and when laid out on the flat table with the mask, she was in too much pain. I ended up grabbing the pillow and holding her up while the nurses went for morphine.
That news, coupled with her loss of motor function and strength in her legs (overnight this happened), prompted the doctor to medicate her so that she could lay down flat for a CT scan of her lower back. They're going to radiate her lower spine to give her some relief.
So we're back in the room now, and she's out of it. A 10 minute appointment took 3 1/4 hours, and she's due for some rest.
I'll post what the Radiologist's impression of the CT scan is later.

Update

She's hangin' tough. Here is the news:

1. Catheter placed this morning after she started retention. Her belly was huge and I'm glad we didn't wait longer.
2. 4 rounds of radiation complete. 11 more to go.
3. Her pain is managed, but she's over-medicated, so we're looking for ways to return her to consciousness.
4. Plenty of good company over the weekend. Very good support from all around.

Spirit Unbreakable

This week has been a challenge. Alison has successfully completed 3 of 15 radiation therapy sessions. Being clustrophobic, she gets pritty shnookered before we go, and sleeps for about 6 hours afterwords, and really doesn't come back into normal Ali-ness for about 12-18 hours. But she's getting it done. The doctor says that small cell types of cancer thrive in the brain, and that a lot of times they'll radiate the head as a preventative measure.
She needed blood again yesterday, which made the shortest span she'd gone without. Doctors say it's the disease's progression.
I have been very worried, and we've had some hard conversations where her spirit has shown brighter than it ever has. She's determined! Determined and upset at my fears. But that's what a team does, when one member faulters, the others rally. I am very proud and impressed. It's time for me to stop being an anchor and start lifting her up.
As far as getting out of here, we've been making negative progress regarding her pain. Once we figure that piece out though, she'll be coming home.

Community North

Hi everyone, this is Tom.

Alison was admitted into Community North Hospital yesterday after some tests. We're here because we couldn't control her fever or her pain and her migraines were more and more frequent, and things were bad enough that I was worried something was wrong, beyond what is wrong normally. The tests didn't reveal definitives, but raised suspicion that tumorous growth is what's making things go for the worse.

It's time for a plan!

Biospy Results

Words from Alison:

After our 6 hour appointment was over (Tom explains the results below), we drove to see our niece Abigail clog to Mylie Syrus' "Best of Both Worlds," look at her 4-H exhibits, and watch her sell her pig, Prince Piggy. She was traumatized by the latter, and was inconsolable, knowing Prince's fate. It was sad and cute.

So glad to be around family and be able to do things like that, even if I'm not my normal 100% self.

Words from Thomas:

Yesterday we received completely unexpected word. The news we received did not negate Alison's Neuroendocrine Cancer diagnosis. It just complicated it.

For many tests, we tried to find where the cancer started. Through a colonoscopy, endoscopy, wireless endoscopy, and various other tests, Alison was a champ. The tests showed nothing. Just that her bone marrow was Neuroendocrine, and the CT scans showed a big mass in her belly. In the last two years, the neuroendocrine cancer spread to her liver, and a new mass developed in the lining of her lungs.

Then we got a biopsy of the big mass in her belly, to make sure the right diagnosis was found in the neuroendocrine cancer in her bone marrow biopsy.

Which brings us to now: the results are: her big mass is a neurofibroma. Neurofibromas are non-cancerous (Don't gulp because her bone marrow is still neuroendocrine cancer) in that they do not invade the organs, typically do not spread, etc. Neurofibromas are genetically inherited, and can lead to cancer. That's what we suspect happened in Alison's case: Gene kicks in gear, mass appears, mass leads to development in the bones of Neuroendocrine cancer. So to recount, we know that her bones have cancer, and that the big mass is a neurofibroma. What we don't know for sure is which type is in her liver and her lungs, although atleast the lung spot is in the lining, not overtaking the lung, which makes me think it's a neurofibroma. The liver lesions are actually in the liver, making me speculate that they're the malignant neuroendocrine cancer.Some other facts to note are that 1) neurofibroma has no treatment, except for removal by surgery, 2) removal by surgery can be effective, except that hers is wrapping around her spine and nerves there, and 3) one can live for decades with neurofibromas.And from here, we begin concentrating on two fronts: the fight against her Neuroendocrine cancer, and the control of her Neurofibromas. In the fight against the neuroendocrine cancer, IU is sending for the bone marrow biopsy slides before they can choose the next step, we're doing some more testing including a PET/CT Scan and a 24 hr urinalysis. In controlling her neurofibromas, we're going to see a neurosurgeon about the possibility of either removing or reducing her big belly mass. Atleast the kidney and aorta could go back to their normal position if they were able to reduce it.I'll understand if you have to re-read this post several times to understand what I wrote.

It's ME!

Hey guys! Finally- a post from ME! Thanks to my super supportive husband, y'all have been kept in the know with my situation but I know, it's always nice to hear from yours truly. :)

Radiation has really been kicking my butt. I never thought it would be worse than chemo but it has proven me wrong. Tomorrow I finish round number 15 and I can't be more pleased. Once I returned from the hospital I started experiencing horrible nausea and vomiting along with what feels like acid reflux but really is just the radiation burning my esophagus. Nice. I've lost a total of 14 pounds since I entered the hospital. Eating has been a great challenge and I've tried every liquid antacid there is. I get a push of zofran for the nausea and pepcid for the 'reflux' everyday at the canser center through my port which has really helped. And the 3 day weekend was much needed- lots of napping. I've gotten a lot of my energy back and the last few days have kept my 'meals' down.

Next Wednesday we have an appointment at the Indiana University Medical Center in downtown Indianapolis to see if I qualify for a clinical trial. I'm nervous but excited about it. Somehow it feels like we are running out of options.....I know that's not true and not my usual way of thinking but these times are scary. I've been SO emotional lately too. It's all just so overwhelming. All I have to say is FAMILY. And my best friend JC. :) Lots of praying. Lots of being wrap in love by both.

This weekend we are headed up North to the lake (my daddy's) for a birthday celebration for myself and Chas who will turn 2. I cannot wait to get away and relax. I'm hoping I'll be feeling good- I've been running a slight fever the last few days- not sure what's up with that. I need this. Family, water, paddle boat rides, bonfires, s'mores, little ones, laughs, good food (hopefully I can at least eat some cake hehe), blooming pink peonies, late night talks......good times. I plan to start my picture-a-day this weekend too. I have a crazy suspicion my dear husband has gotten my something for my birthday that might add it that. :) You can't keep a secret from me. ;)

BTW, If anyone is in need of our new mailing address, please feel free to email me. alikline at gmail. com

Relay for Life

To the right you'll notice a Relay for Life logo. Susan Schwarz, her sister's mother-in-law, created a team called Ali's Allies, set up to participate on June 7th in Warren Township in Indy. We'd love you to join the team even if you can't be there. If you'd like to donate money towards a luminary in Alison's honor (she digs that idea) please email Alison (alikline at gmail), or you can just click on the logo to the right to go to her personal team page and donate to the cancer society. If we can collectively have even the slightest impact on cancer research, isn't it worth it?

The event will be at Stonybrook Middle School on Stonybrook Drive, Indianapolis, Indiana 46229 from 9AM on the 7th of June, to 9AM on the 8th. Please feel free to join us if you're in the area, if not, we appreciate your support in spirit. Alison would love to see both old friends and new ones alike!

Successful Surgery

Alison's stent is now in. If she weens herself off liquid pain medicine, she'll get to go home tomorrow. We've felt really loved with all the emails, notes, and comments.
Ali's friends and family ripped through the house today and unpacked the kitchen, living room, master and master bath. The rest will come in time. The main thing is that the bed is made and ready for Alison to come home and rest. (You can lay around and sleep in a hospital, but it's not rest)

A Bad Piece of News

This is actually Tom, posting on behalf of Alison. She mentioned previously that she'd been experiencing back pain, and associated it with stress from relocation. Well, yesterday we came home after buying our new house, and she went into some excruciating pain. She couldn't sit, lay, or stand comfortably. She finally let me take her to the new ER, where they did an MRI.
The MRI showed some tumorous involvment in the 11th and 12th lumbar, as well as between her shoulder blades. The lower one poses 2 problems: it's obstructing the right kidney from releasing urine, and it's compressing the spinal chord. The doctors fear that the compression could lead to paralysis/permanent nerve damage.
This morning she'll be transported to the radiation facility, where they'll begin a radiation treatment that will last for the next three weeks. Hopefully though, she'll be able to come home on Monday, and begin her outpatient treatment.
We're both in good spirits, but it is both nice to have family within minutes and hours, but terrifying to have a whole new set of doctors that don't know her history, and are taking some aggressive action.

I'll keep information up to date - Tom.

In Order

The first leg of the drive to Indiana wasn't so good for me. My back was really hurting and then I got a migraine. Thomas made me a bed in the back of the truck and I managed to survive 5 hours to just outside of Knoxville. It felt great to get off the road and into a bed- and I didn't miss The Hills or The Bachelor- London Calling. :) Tuesday morning we hit the road around 11:00am and arrived at my sister Kim's early that evening. I just love being there. It's so calm and comfortable, so welcoming. We stayed there until Thursday and then headed an hour north to my sister Heather's. Baby Elliot is getting so big and oh so cute! They had 3 showings that night.....so we ventured to a new outside shopping center to have dinner. Friday I woke up with another horrible migraine (a vomitting one) and stayed in bed most of the morning. Tom made me a doctor appointment with my new PCM (Primary Care Doctor) that afternooon. She is in the same network as my new oncologist which is wonderful. She will be the one to make all of the referrals that I will be needing. I really like her and am so glad I don't have to go to the Naval Hospital anymore. Friday evening we got to do a walk through of our new house! I love it! Love it, love it, love it! It's huge. I can't wait to move in! Today we drove up to Tom's momma's and are headed to my sister Rene's to see Alyssa and Chas. I know they too have changed and I can't wait to see them.

I'll post pictures soon. I am keeping up with the "picture a day" so you can go there to see some. The closing date on the house is the 8th but we won't get pocession until the 11th. It can't get here any sooner.

It's All In The Move

My life has been a busy one. Last Wednesday the packers came to pack up our belongings and on Thursday a semi pulled in front of the house and loaded it all up- it's now on it's way to Indianapolis. Moving is stressful. Especially when my back is killing me and I can't do much to help. Tuesday was supposed to be my last day at the c. center but I needed platelets. So back I went on Wednesday. And then Thursday I had a CT scan. And Friday I had to go back in to get the results. Which were good- stable. It for sure added to the madness. Jan came down on Thursday to help paint, clean, etc. Penny and Colin came down on Friday to also help. Penny and I drove my car back to their house in Columbia on Friday since my back was bothering me. They are going to drive it up to Indiana for us so I don't have to drive and then fly back to SC. Thank you Pen, Colin and Jan for all of your help- it is so appreciated. We couldn't have gotten it all done without you. You rock!

We plan to hit the road today- stopping outside of Lexington, KY for the night. Tomorrow we will finish up the drive stopping at my sister Kim's for a couple days. And then off to see the rest of our families.

I still don't think it's really hit me we are moving.....this is NOT a vacation......

She Is Home

At 7:45 this morning the Eastern Gates of Heaven swung open and Meredith Ann Holbert Rankin was escorted through by a band of angels. Her earthly exit was as courageous and elegant as we have come to expect. Her heavenly entrance was absolutely glorious......." (excerpt from her CaringBridge Page)

My heart is at peace for her- she is pain free and in the arms of our dear Lord. Please continue to keep her husband Justin and her family in your thoughts and prayers as the grieve the loss of dear Meredith.

Justin & Meredith. Photo taken from CaringBridge Page.

Finally

We our new homeowners! Well, we have signed the contract and are in escrow. The closing is May 8th. After looking at a gazillion houses in December and again in February, we are buying one we haven't even stepped foot in. How exciting. How adventurous of us. :)

The movers come on Wednesday and we will depart a few days after. Until the closing we will stay with family- a little vacation before the madness begins.

Perspective

The offer on the first house fell through (our intuition told us it would). Now we are on to plan B- in the midst of negotiations on house #2. One that we haven't seen before but my sister Heather and her husband have and they love it so we are trusting them and what you've seen online and going with it. We know we love the neighborhood and the layout is alot like ones we've seen so we're comfortable with that. We have a plan C too if this one falls through. We are well prepared.

Last night after an incredible evening watching the sun go down over the Beaufort River, T and I made a list of all the things that need to be done- before the movers get here and after. I told him I was glad we hadn't done this any sooner or later. No sooner so I wouldn't be stressing for weeks about it and no later because the movers come in 1 WEEK. I think it's finally hitting me we are moving. Starting a new journey. Allowing myself to be excited- excited to be near family. Excited to get to spend so much time with my nieces and nephews. T's little sister Laur is due at the end of May with a little bean. Babies galore- love it!

T and I got some devastating news last night. Our dear friend Meredith has made a turn for the worst in her battle against cancer. Here is an excerpt from her CaringBridge page (click the link to read the rest)....

Dear Friends,

It is Uncle Doug again standing in for Julie (Meredith's mom). Muff has turned another corner in her journey and we wanted you, the faithful, to know. Her visit to the med center today revealed what we suspected, her liver is failing. Dr. Helft informed them this morning that there will be no more chemo, no more tests and they are calling in Hospice. She will have her abdomen drained this afternoon. We are devastated but not defeated. We are broken hearted but not broken spirited. We are disappointed but not disillusioned. Meredith handles the news as only she could. She wept and then got up off the mat and went to visit another cancer patient to give encouragement. That's our girl!

When T and I read this last night our hearts wept for her and her husband as this hits a special place in our hearts. It really puts life into perspective. I was diagnosed just 3 weeks after her. Things can change in an instant. God has blessed us with me feeling well for so long but that could change. Her prognosis is now down to just a few weeks. What would one do with this news? Please keep her and her dear family in your thoughts and prayers as they are walking this extremely devasting journey.

Dear Meredith on her wedding day. Photo taken from CaringBridge Page.

Really?

So the moving company is here writing down all our possessions we would like them to move. Are we really moving? And did we really just submit an offer on a house in Indiana? Yup- sure did. Craziness!

Rented!

Our house has been rented! And for 2 YEARS! Yay!!!

THANK YOU!!!

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I've been doing much better the last few days and am pain free today! I've been taking a muscle relaxer at night along with a slow release morphine pill that seem to be doing the trick. I don't have the big knot of muscle along the right side of my spine anymore which is huge relief. I started chemo yesterday and will finish on Friday. It feels so great to be out of that scary time- it really brought back painful memories from past when I was really struggling.

Tom's family has been in town visiting the last few days which has been a blessing. It helps me keep my mind off of the stressfulness. We've had a bonfire, shopped downtown, watched movies, relaxed and today we are headed to the beach. It's wonderful to have such great company.

Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers. Thomas and I are so blessed to have such fantastic people in our lives.

Prayer Requests and Positive Healing Vibes Needed!

I'm experiencing a great deal of pain in my back and right side and also some nausea. I was in bed all weekend downing pain meds (something I hadn't had to do for over a year). You can read more on Thomas' blog .

Catching Up

Happy Birthday to my niece Christine who turned 19 yesterday!

My sister Heather is a 6th grade teacher at Noblesville Intermediate School which recently took part in a Locks of Love haircutting ceremony. The Indianapolis Star did a story on it which you can check out here. She gave me a shout out!! So very sweet. Made me teary eyed. Thank you sister! I actually was able to attend their first meeting last Fall. It's so inspiring to see young ones being so selfless.

T has been busying working on the house- what else is new right? :) He spent all day yesterday putting up crown molding in our bedroom. It's the only room that didn't have it yet and something we wanted to get done before we move. It is almost finished and looks amazing. He also wants to replace the baseboards in all the bedrooms since we've installed the new carpet.

Our moving date is now less than a month away. We had two showing last week but no takers. At this point, we will probably be renting for awhile in Indiana. Which is fine. I'm trying not to stress and just let things happen- no forcing.

Saturday night we had our farewell party with T's squadron. We both had a great time. I really love this group and am going to miss them. I've made great lifelong friends. We are having a baby shower for one of the wives next weekend so I will get to see them again then. Not time to say goodbye yet. :)

I recently made a new friend via email. Her name is Meredith and lives just a few houses down from my sister Heather in Fishers. My sister has never met her but did mention her while I was visiting last Fall. A high school friend of Meredith's found my blog and realized that Meredith and I's stories are very similar. She was diagnosed with colon cancer 2 years ago at the age of 23- just 3 weeks before her wedding. She had been misdiagnosed for over a year. Meredith and I have emailed back and forth a few times since then. She is an AMAZING person and so inspiring- a woman of strong faith and determination. She has been through so much. Last night before I headed to bed (1:00 AM!) I decided to check her Caring Bridge page as I had emailed her a few days ago and she hadn't replied yet. I was devastated to learn she had suffered a seizure on the 26th while out to eat with her husband. She had an MRI done which revealed 5 lesions on her brain. She started radiation immediately and has undergone a few rounds since. You can read more about her story on her Caring Bridge page- enter 'meredith' in the search to get there. Please keep her and her family in your prayers.

My Blog Friends

I received a comment from Erin at girlysmack who just recently discovered my blog. She left the cutest warmest post on her blog introducing me to her readers along with some pictures of things I so dearly love! She SO knows me all from reading my blog! Y'all overwhelm me with all of your love and support! Thank you a million times to all of you!

Waiting....

UPDATE:

So the results aren't so good- but not horrible either. There has been some growth. Yup, the G word- yuck. My main tumor has grown by about 10%- 8.8 cm to 9.9 cm and a new lesion has developed on the lining outside of the lung. We haven't seen the actually scan yet which we will get tomorrow on CD. Things will be more clear then. On with chemo. I start again tomorrow. I was upset for a couple hours and now am back to fighting- I AM GOING TO WIN. It is hard to hear this but dwelling in the negative sure isn't going to make it go away. Fighting and staying positive is my only option. On with healing!

Now I need to call the family- the hardest part.


I get the results of my scan today at 1:00pm- lots of anxiety. Please send positive vibes my way! :)

Yesterday

Pink sky, backyard Beaufort. March 2008.